A kind-of land

By Takis Theodoropoulos

Greece is kind of European, with kind of eastern roots and Balkan influences, and a kind of Mediterranean mentality. Its inhabitants, the Greeks, speak a language that sounds kind of Greek and, as a result, they kind of understand each other. In most cases, they do not have something specific to say; they just want to make themselves heard but this does not stop them from speaking as if they so have something to say. Meanwhile, the Greek state operates with a kind of administration which is kind of modern, kind of workable, kind of effective and kind of made to serve its acolytes and its political bosses – better known as ministers.

The only certainty is that this kind-of country borders with the sea and belongs to the temperate zone – although recent sightings of crocodiles in southern areas suggests a slight shift to the tropics. The country’s highways are kind of highways. That is, they look like highways found in other countries but are not quite the same. The health system is a kind of system and provides some kind of healthcare. The same goes for the social security system. And state education would be free if it did not cost so much money but we all agree state education is indeed free, meaning that it is kind of free.

Greece’s national soccer team kind of plays soccer. You’ll say, of course, that it’s not the only one and I agree. Watching Brazil play at this year’s World Cup I could not help but think that the Greek national squad is a true pioneer that managed to influence the globe’s soccer powerhouses. Kind-of soccer suggests a system of values that has nothing to do with the game per se but focuses instead on a country’s economic performance and whether it suffers at the hands of American imperialism. Accordingly, teams from poor and bankrupt countries must prevail. Anyone who does not abide by these rules is treated like the enemy – see Germany for example. The Germans have the disadvantage of playing precise soccer that fails to satisfy our kind-of attitude. We are against the German national team even though we admit it gave the best and most solid performance at this year’s World Cup.

Another exception is the state of Israel. In our eyes Israel is always wrong, even if it is returning Hamas missiles. You see, Hamas missiles kind of hit their targets, whereas Israel’s precise missiles tend to offend our kind-of morality.

On the Greek news the other day, Israelis were shown looking at the bombing of the Gaza Strip. The anchorman made a comment, saying their stance “hurt his humanitarian feelings.” Meanwhile, it was perfectly natural for Palestinians to celebrate their first suicide bombing in Tel Aviv.

You see, no one can survive on kind-of principles alone. You sometimes need some absolute values, like the one which dictates that if you want to survive in the land of kind of you’d better follow some kind-of rules.